Bengaluru Molestation: Indian mothers, you are also to be blamed

Every day the same debate, every day the same old raga.

 

         Who is to blame? The woman is to blame.

 

The time a mother spent scolding her daughter for staying out late; the time an elder sister gave up her share of the food so that her little brother could have more of his favourite dish; the time the aunt ignored her nephew’s bullying behaviour towards his younger sister; the time a grandmother told her grandson that he deserved to be born while his sister should have been killed off at birth – YES, these are the times Indian mothers failed to become a good parent.

 

Have you ever considered a role reversal? Apply these same things to a boy. Treat your son like to treat your girls and then see the change.

 

Anytime a girl is raped – it’s her fault. The girls were subject to mass molestation in Bengaluru, who did it?  The girls are not raping themselves, so then how is it her fault? There has to be a perpetrator and yes, he is always a boy, man, father, uncle, brother, cousin, grandson of some woman. If a man has a woman who is taking care of his primary needs as a child then it is the responsibility of his caretaker to teach him the ways of the world and what is right and what is wrong. Why is an Indian mother’s lectures on society and goodness and virtues and log kya kahenge reserved for the daughters?

 

Yes, this is what we have been teaching our daughters and sons. Indian mothers teach their sons it is okay to be violent with girls, it is okay to be a bully, it is okay to snatch and grab what they desire because you are a man and your desires should come first. When a boy is caught misbehaving with a girl, any mother will spring to the defense of her son and say it had to be the girl – she must have done something. On that day, if you had given two sound slaps and scolded him for acting like a caveman, then today he would not be in jail, today he would not be out on the city streets behaving as if girls are his toys and women and object of desire.

 

Indian mothers place several restrictions on girls – how they walk, talk, live, speak, study, interact, behave, etc. When it comes to boys, all that the list contains is this – my boy should always have the best. Whenever a rape or an instance of sexual assault against women/girls/infants happen there are many mothers who say that to prevent such kind of incidents from happening this should be done

 

Girls should not stay out after dark

 

Girls should not wear short clothes

 

Girls should not speak to boys

 

Girls must exercise self-control

 

Girls should carry pepper spray

 

Bollywood star Akshay Kumar had his heart in the right place when he said on the New Year eve horror that unfolded in Bengaluru, “ Since boys refuse to change, it is time women take matters in their own hands. Learn self-defence.”

 

Why do only girls have to change the way they live?

 

I ask you why? Why do only girls have to change the way they live? Why should daughters be penalised for what somebody’s son did to them? Why should your daughter suffer because a man cannot control himself? When a person commits a crime, the criminal is arrested. So in this case it is men who are committing these heinous crimes against women. It is they who need the curfew and the behavioural/ lifestyle/perception change, not the girls.

 

Indian mothers learn to say this to your sons:

 

It is not okay for you my son to be out after 8pm

 

If a woman wears short clothes it is her choice and she is no way asking your opinion or seeking your attention

 

When a girl speaks to you, she is not giving you hints, she is trying to have a normal conversation

 

My son you must respect everybody’s privacy – even a girl’s

 

My son you should not act like a dog in heat and jump on every girl you come across

 

Son just like you want to have a good time with your friends so do the girls

 

Son your mother, sister, wife or girlfriend is not to be treated like your servant 

 

Son you must learn self-control and behave like humans do or else there are zoos for animals like you

 

This article does not say this is the absolute majority. There are strong and absolutely wonderful mothers out there who rise above the petty social rules and give their children – boy or girl – the same education, treatment and love. They penalise their sons for doing wrong and recognise their daughters ambitions, they treat their daughters like princesses and their boys like gentlemen. And that is how it should be.