Do you always find yourself saying, 'Let's just do what they want'? Have you given up your hobbies, friends, and even dreams just to keep your partner happy? If yes, you're not saving your relationship, you're slowly erasing yourself. Psychologists have a term for this: 'Self-Abandonment'.
Compromise is a normal part of any loving relationship. But there's a huge difference between compromise and completely erasing yourself. When you start killing your own desires every single time just to avoid a fight or to 'save' the relationship, you're no longer a partner. You've become a 'People Pleaser'.
Psychologists say that people who grew up with the mindset, "Everyone will love me only if I am good," are more likely to make this mistake as adults.
So, how do you know if you're erasing your own identity? Check if these five signs feel familiar:
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1. You're scared to say 'no': You just can't say 'no' to your partner's requests, even if you don't like them. You have this constant fear that if you refuse, they'll get angry or even leave you. So, you always say 'yes', even when it's a major inconvenience for you.
2. You've forgotten your own interests: You used to love singing, hanging out with friends, or watching movies by yourself. Now, you've given up all those things because your partner doesn't approve. If someone asks you about your hobbies today, you genuinely can't remember what they are. Your world now revolves only around them.
3. You're always the one apologising, even when you're not at fault: It doesn't matter who started the fight; you are always the first one to say 'Sorry' just to restore peace. When your partner is upset, you feel like it's all your fault. You carry a constant feeling of guilt.
4. Your day depends on their mood: If they are in a good mood, your day is good. If they are upset, your whole world feels dark. You spend all your time worrying about what they're thinking and feeling. Your own emotions have taken a complete backseat.
5. You've drifted away from friends and family: The friends who were once your support system are now distant. You've stopped meeting them because your partner doesn't like it. Slowly, you're becoming more and more isolated, and your support system is crumbling.
So, what can you do?
Remember, a relationship where you have to erase your own identity is not love; it's a form of mental slavery.
- Start today by practising saying 'no' to small, simple things.
- Take out at least 30 minutes every day just for yourself, to do something that is only for you.
- Try to reconnect with your old hobbies and passions.
- If needed, don't hesitate to seek help from a counsellor.
A healthy relationship never makes you feel small. Instead, it helps you grow into a better version of yourself.
