Dear Dileep, 

        

        First of all, congratulations on your marriage to Kavya Madhavan. The photos came out pretty well.

 

 

But I am not here to gawk at your wedding photos or drink in the details of who air kissed whom and who was there and who was not. The media has taken care to show it in full detail. 

 

It was very nice of you to be so mindful of your fans. I happened to watch that video you posted on Facebook moments before your wedding was about to take place. All was well until you said “...Anyway my partner (kootakari/friend) is someone who is linked with me in the gossip columns and marrying someone else does not feel proper so..."

 

 

Again after your marriage to the media-linked ‘love of your life’ you said, “...When it felt that I needed someone in my life. I decided to get married. We have done close to 10-20 movies together and that perhaps is our only fault. It has affected my married life. There were so many negative reports and often we were married and linked together and because of that I decided that I will marry the person who has been made a ‘scapegoat’ (balli aad) in my name.”

 

 

Bravo! You rescued Kavya the damsel in distress, who without your help and your marrying her would have become a withered flower, beaten about by the wind (read media). True, the media has played a huge part in peering and dissecting your married life and your partner's, but consider that a price of being a celebrity (a person whose life will never be away from the cameras).

 

 

But, But and BUT ...that so does not amount to you saying that you married Kavya because she was a ‘scapegoat’ or because her name was linked to yours.  I absolutely hate drawing this comparison but your words remind me of what the society thinks and often what is shown in Bollywood films. Remember “log kya kahenge” (what will people think?)  when a girl’s name and ‘honour’ is besmirched or dragged in public. In movies we have often seen scenes where a victim is asked to marry her rapist because it will protect her honour.

 

 

Ah, the irony of it all. Here also all your words conveyed not how much you love Kavya or care for her or leave alone that, how wonderful a companion she has been to you... you said, you were marrying her because she was linked to you by the media. By that reasoning, you may have been linked to at least 20 actresses you have worked with... will you now be marrying all of them? Granted, you may be a private person and do not like open declarations of love, but at least be man enough to say that you married Kavya because you love her above everything else.

 

 

The Malayalee alpha male mindset shines bright like a diamond in this case but with none of its purity. You have been quoted numerous times as saying you did not like women working after marriage and now your second wife Kavya is also singing the same song of settling down as a housewife (the dream of every Indian/Malayalee woman!)

 

 

Men in Kerala believe women should behave in a certain manner and god forbid if the woman chooses to have a life of her own.  If the way you think and the number of people commenting and denigrating Kavya and Manju Warrier are to be considered a sample of the men in Kerala then it would seem Malayalee men, like you, have a completely skewed understanding of what a woman is and her place in society. Your ideas on companionship, marriage and love all pander to male sensibilities and a woman who chooses to defy boundaries is immediately labelled slut, whore and the best of the worst adjectives you can come up with. Remember Ranjini Haridas? The Kerala male’s horcrux rests in showing a woman her place in society, which according to them is way down the ladder.  

 

 

Oh, and you wanted to shut the negativity around your marriage and blah, bla, blah... what will you say to the numerous ‘alpha males’ and women abusing Kavya right left and centre? Will you also tell them that she needed your help and so you saved her by marrying her?

 

 

Is this what you are teaching your daughter, “Marry because someone is being troubled because of you or being linked to you?”

 

 

With all due respect, this your life and your wife but you were expected to be a better example. When you chose to marry her despite all opposition- that was an example but when you chose to marry her because you wanted to show what a benevolent male you are – sorry, you lost my respect.

 

From a Malayalee woman who married for love

 

Disclaimer: The views expressed here are the personal and not to be attributed to Asianet Newsable