100 rules to follow to become a decent Indian woman

 

1 Women should be seen not heard

 

2. Women should know that their place is in the kitchen and not outside of it

 

3. A girl should be in her house by 6pm. Keep in mind your curfew time. If you are not in by that time, you are to blame.

 

 

4. A girl should not play or talk to boys of her age

 

5. Girls if you want to be safe get married early.  Your husbands are there for  your sexual needs, and they don't need to go elsewhere. This way rapes will not occur.

 

6. Rural women need to become pretty because only urban women advance in life and not the villagers because you are not attractive

 

 

7. Don’t become old or you will lose your charm. Just like with passing time, the joy of victory fades, so does a woman.

 

8. Every Hindu woman must produce at least four kids.

 

9. Don’t use phones. It is a useless distraction. Olden days women and girls lived without them.

 

10. Be careful about your interaction with men because talking to them encourages rape.

 

 

11. Do not cross any limits. You cross the limit and some Ravaan will come and carry you off. Stay within the maryada.

 

12. Women should not wear lipstick and powder because that is the same as J&K terrorists

 

13. Women if you want freedom, roam around naked.

 

14.  When you find no electricity in the house please produce babies, especially in the villages. The government is helping you by not giving you electricity.

 

 

15. Women should not take selfies with men because it causes closeness and also it means women are disrespecting men.

 

16. Do not enter the kitchen while on your period

17. Do not water the plants when on your periods or you will cause them to grow yellow and dry

 

18. Celebrate your first period, the rest of the times you have it, you must spend feeling disgusted

 

 

19. Do not touch pickles while menstruating because you will cause it to turn bad

 

20. Do not sleep in the same bed as your husband during menstruating, you are impure

 

21. Do not enter temples while menstruating, your impurity will anger the gods

 

22. Women must use separate utensils while on their periods because they are impure

 

23. Do not talk back to your elders despite the fact that they are speaking ill about you or anyone close to you. Basically shut up.

 

 

24. Make sure the men in your family, your society, your friends do not eat chowmein because it causes hormonal imbalance in men and will cause them to rape you.

 

25. Women and girls should not wear jeans because it causes men to look beyond what is there

 

26. Don’t talk loudly or laugh at men’s jokes because then it means that you are interested in them

 

27. Boys and girls should not sit together in school.

 

28. Do not watch English movies they are a bad influence

 

29. Be careful, because boys can commit mistakes and rape you. Boys will be boys.

 

30. Be a good girl. Don’t stay out of the house with a boy late at night. There is no need.

 

31. Do not go off with any other man with or without your consent because then both of you will be hanged.

 

 

32. Girls and women do not complain when men or boys touch you inappropriately because then when you complain it is the man’s honour which is ruined.

 

33. Be a good girl. Don’t cut your hair short. (par katti auratein)

 

34. Sit in a ladylike manner i.e cross your legs at all times. Sitting with your legs apart will excite men.

 

 

35.  Do not yawn freely because it is not ladylike.

 

36. Do not drive cars because then you will sprout wings (par nikal aayenge)

 

37. Do not go to discotheques and then go for protests anywhere, because only dented-painted women who went to discotheques turned up at India Gate to express outrage against rape.

 

 

38. Don’t go to Goa with your girlfriends, your marriage may be called off

 

39. Do not drink alcohol, alone or with men. You will be conceived as a woman of loose morals.

 

40. Don’t talk to boys or men when you are on your periods, it will increase your flow

 

41 Always learn to make food, sing, knit and sew before college, you never know when you need to get married.

 

42. Women should think twice before boarding a suspicious looking bus or a bus with few passengers at night. In the morning it is completely safe.

 

43. Wear clothes that will not cause a man to rape. Women get raped because of the clothes they wear.(We are yet to find such clothes)

 

 

44. Always cover your assets (boobs, bum) with your dupatta.

 

45. Don’t eat a banana in public especially in front of men  because it sends across a wrong message.

 

46. Do not wear clothes that show off your curves. You are titillating men.

 

47. Always do pooja, go to church, say namaz etc. because if you don’t you are a bad woman.

 

48. Always fast for your husband because then it means you love him.

 

49. Never deny your husband sex because they can feel the urge anytime of any day

 

50. As soon as you marry, have babies because that is what you came to Earth for and your life is complete.

 

 

51. If you are unable to conceive be ashamed because you have been cursed and your life is incomplete.

 

52. Do not earn more than your husband. It is not good for their fragile ego.

 

53.Get married as early as possible. An unmarried woman is a burden, if you are not married by 25 you are an old hag who no one wants. At 30 you cross your expiry date.

 

54. Girls or women should not stay alone because then men will think you are available to do all sorts of things.

 

 

55. Don’t smoke in front of men or anywhere else. Women who smoke are easy going and labelled as sluts.

 

56. Try hard not to get raped because no one will marry you.

 

57. When your rapist asks you to marry him, marry him. It will restore your honour.

 

 

58.  Just because India achieved freedom at midnight does not mean that women can venture out after dark.

 

59. When you are going to be raped, say bhaiya (brother) and beg them to stop. It is the magic word. For added bonus please recite Saraswati mantra.

 

60. Do not go to pubs it is not our culture.

 

 

61. Don’t wear bikinis on a beach.

 

62. Even wearing a salwar kameez can cause rape. Choose your attire carefully.

 

63. Don’t tell your future family about your medical problems because no will marry you

 

64. Don’t travel abroad until you have the blessings and permission of your parents.

 

65. Good girls don’t use slang language or abuse.

 

 

66.Women should always marry the man their parents choose only then she is a sanskari beti.

 

67. Women should not have premarital sex or discuss or even consider themselves a sexual being. You will then be called a prostitute.

 

68. Women should not get tattoos. It is inviting men to do all sorts of things to you.

 

69. Women should never make the first move in a relationship, if you do then you are chalu and fast.

 

70. The job a woman after marriage is taking care of the family and not working.

 

 

71. Do not look good in a sari, you are inviting trouble for yourself. Always keep the pallu on your head.

 

72. Speak only when you are spoken to. Your opinions do not matter. Having an opinion means you are a bad girl.

 

73. You do not have a say in matters of finance.

 

74. Always keep your husband and your family’s interests above your own. Then only you are a sanskari, susheel bahu

 

75. Your brother or your father needs more nutritious food than you because they are men and need more strength.

 

76. Girls are paraya dhan (property of others) Since you will get married and go another man’s house.

 

 

77. Women need to pay (dowry) to their husbands and their husband’s family so that they can take care of you.

 

78. You need to bring streedhan because your husband wants a new car, house, tv, bike, phone, these are things which can only be brought by you. For everything else there is your father’s bank account.

 

79. Try hard to deliver a baby boy, if you don’t then it is your fault.

 

80. Your body is the ultimate prize. Keep it safe for your husband, keep it covered and don’t let the bad wolves catch you. If they do then you have brought dishonour to your family and husband and he does not need you anymore.

 

 

81. Be very careful about your appearance. If you lose your beauty then your husband will not love you.

 

82.Always eat after the men folk in your family have eaten and in fact, eat your husband’s leftover. It is the sign of a good wife.

 

83. Do not watch Indian saas-bahu dramas or any serials, you will get ideas from it.

 

84. Do not go for a live-in relationship. It is against Indian morals and values.

 

 

85. Do not have a woman as a lover. There is something seriously wrong with you. Only men can be the correct partner for you.

 

86. Have only boyfriend. You should pine away in sadness if he leaves you. If you move on, you are slut.

 

87. Women always need men to protect them - Father, brother, husband and then son. No friend will do.  They are very weak. (I don’t know how this works though – we stay or keep away?)

 

88. As told in the movies – Akeli ladki ek khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai (A single girl is like an open lock, anyone can enter)

 

89. If your husband beats or abuses you, keep silent. It is not good to speak ill about your husband.

 

90. If you are abused by family members, it is you who are at fault.

 

91. In north India you are perfect girl if you are gori (fair), have a patli kamar (slim) and you know how to dance. In south India you have to be wheatish complexioned (savli) and have long hair to be a perfect choice.

 

 

92. Girls should not burp, fart or belch in public. Men can because it so funny!

 

93. Girls should eat less. Period.

 

94.  Wear what your husband and father tells you to wear, they have great fashion sense.

 

 

95. Women should avoid Facebook otherwise men will send you messages.

 

96. If you are single mother you must have done something wrong. Change your marital status as soon as possible.

 

97. Girls should not study above a certain age or else she will get ideas. Anyway their place is inside the house.

 

 

98. If your husband commits adultery it is your fault. If you commit adultery, it is still your fault.

 

99. If you cannot get along with his mother it is your fault.

 

 

100. You will be a good, ideal and safe woman in India if you follow these 99 rules to the T. Happy living. Live long, live free.