Unhappy Bengaluru: Good jobs, but techie marriages falling apart

With an increase in cases of 'checking' on partners, Vanitha Sahaya Vani (VSV), Bengaluru's women's helpline, says that many married techies in the city are failing to hold on to their personal commitments.

Out of every ten cases that reach the centre, usually two cases will involve couples who already knew each other before the marriage, sometimes through live-in relationships. And in most of the cases, the couples are techies. In 2016, out of 1,125 cases that approached the centre for counselling, 268 cases were of those who had extra marital, pre-marital and live-in relationships. Out of which nearly 80 percent is of techies.

Saraswathi Bai, a senior counsellor at the VSV, says that in cases involving couples from the upper middle class, the couples are mostly from well educated and strong financial backgrounds. For them, marriage is seen as a higher management of a relationship, and not as a sacrament.

Recalling her experiences in dealing with such cases that crop up almost every day, she said that married couples with a background in Information Technology (IT) mostly knew each other before their marriage. In many cases, the couples would have been in a live-in relationship before the wedding. But even that does not seem to be building strong bonds. 

"With very little time to spend with each other, emotions die. Either the wife or husband begins to have more stronger towards their office colleagues, where they spend most of their time. It is here that they get into affairs and hence the institution called marriage goes for a toss," she said.

Asked about the danger signs, she said that generally if the spouse started hiding their phones, shutting down their computers when the other one enters the room, stops taking calls around each other or ignore received messages; then there is something fishy. 

In such cases, she suggests that couples gather some courage and make up their minds to either sit and speak among themselves or approach a counsellor.

"A young techie approached us with proof that his wife was cheating on him. Although his was a love marriage, he suspected something was wrong in his relationship as his wife use to hide her phone and go out of the house to attend calls. He managed to get her phone. After reading Whatsapp conversations, he was shocked to discover she has developed an affair with her brother-in-law," Bai shared when asked for a sample case. 

For any couples who may be worried about the future, Rani Shetty, co-ordinator at VSV, shares that the VSV works with the police department, gives legal assistance to women and helps families iron out the differences - all to save a marriage before it breaks.

However, just to ensure no false hopes are built, Shetty clarified - "Once the trust is lost, there is no chance of reunion in such cases. We only offer solutions that many include parting ways in a dignified manner,"

• Bengaluru
• IT Sector