City police Family counsellors reveal how to find out if your husband is cheating
- Cheating cases are being witnessed more among working professionals
- A man having an affair hides his phone and his behaviour in bed also seems to be a indication of his discretion
- Men have been known to take on serious makeover to pursue an affair on the side
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Parihar, a family counselling centre opened by Bengaluru City Police reported 31 per cent rise in infidelity cases in the last four years.The counsellors listed some of the markers to watch out for in your spouse: latecoming, change in behaviour ranging from being either too soft to being extremely arrogant. Other indications include: changing mobile phone and laptop password, hiding the same from you, smart dressing, often going out on official tours, change in looks, turning a low performer in bed and avoiding sex. If you notice these behavioural changes in your boyfriend or husband, then probably not all’s good in paradise. He may be cheating on you.
The relationship experts and counsellors at Parihar, an initiative by Bengaluru City Police, to save the family institution is witnessing an upswing in cases related to committed men having affairs.
Recently, a woman had approached Parihar as she wanted to get her husband to confess about his affairs. The husband is from the regional film industry and is currently maintaining a low profile. Despite marriage with Latha (name changed) for 19 years, Oleshwar used to flirt with other young women. His flirtatious talks with other women, his message and other details were all secretly recorded by Latha to expose him at once.
"Oleshwar was always with his phone. Even when he had to go to the bathroom, he used to take the phone along with him. This prompted Latha to approach his close family members to help her with technology to record her husband's phone conversation. She managed to get an app installed with which any calls or messages to her husband were also routed to her. Three weeks were enough to gather substantial evidence. With the set of evidence, she came to us. Initially, he denied any relationship, but the evidence nailed him," said Aparna, Senior Counsellor at Parihar.
They also tell of an incident where a 50-year-old man cheated his wife by hooking up with a 25-year-old. The person is said to be a businessman and had come in contact with the lady in a shopping mall. Impressed by her looks, he had lied to her about his age and started moving with her in a very friendly manner. "The wife who never once saw her husband applying hair colour and sporting young and fancy clothes, suspected his sudden change and thus followed him to find him romancing with the 25-year-old lady. The wife caught him red-handed," said Saraswathi Bai, Senior Counsellor, Parihar.
The wife also complained to the counsellor that her husband had lied about his age and told the other girl that he was only 40. All this with the sole intention to cheat the young woman.
According to the data with Parihar, out of 4,743 cases of family disputes in the last four years, 1,503 fit into the category of illicit relationship where the married partner had sought sexual pleasure outside marriage or the couple were having a live-in relationship or were in a pre- marital relationship. And these cases have registered an increase of 31 percent in the last four years.
"Earlier cases related to dowry, harassment or incompatibility were identified as the reason for breaking up of marital relationship but these days pre-marital, live-ins and extra-marital cases are the primary reason for the break-up," committed, Rani Shetty Head of Parihar centre.
In another case, a senior HR Manager of a software firm ended up having an affair with one of the junior women staff. Due to the illicit relationship, the manager used to turn up late at home and his marriage life was suffering. He apparently used to always blame his work for the overtime at the office and his fatigue thereafter.
The wife of the HR manager, who worked as a teacher, and husband of the junior staff of the software firm, who is a businessman, were not aware of the affair of their respective partners.
Taking advantage of the excuse termed - 'extra working hours' - both HR manager and the junior staff thought they could continue having their fling but their luck ran out when the husband of the junior staff got suspicious.
"After following her for some time, he was convinced that his wife was having an affair. To expose his wife and also the HR manager, he followed his wife and after reaching the office, his wife left along with her boss to his house when the manager's wife had gone out. Making use of the opportunity, the junior staff's husband gathered all the neighbours and called up the wife of the HR manager. The police were called too. The illicit relationship was exposed. Now, both the families are separated," said Bai.
Relationship experts observe that frequent latecoming, extended office hours for months at a stretch and avoiding intimacy with the partner at home have been seen as prominent indications of infidelity.
If you may have noticed the common ground in almost all these cases is – work. Our work life takes up so much of our time that family and loved ones get pushed to the background and colleagues become our much needed support system. Ideally, working professionals should aim to leave office on time and balance work and family life such that such incidents are averted, otherwise the dangers of the institution of family crumbling are exceptionally high.
Disclaimer: We do not say that all these reasons should make you subject your spouse to grilling or suspect them of infidelity, for all you know, they may just really be under some enormous stress and pressure. It’s always better to stay guarded.
