The myth of the ‘independent, single’ Indian woman

The other day I placed a long overdue call to a girl friend of mine. It was a big occasion, her 30th birthday and I was excited to hear her chirpy voice over the line. After we exchanged our usual wishes and pleasantries, she came up with a rather unusual anecdote.“You remember my friend Chetak? He was asking about you...wondering if you were married yet?”

Chetak? My mind failed to place this concerned gentleman. Chetak? The guy we knew in college? (That was quite some time ago). Whatever were the intentions of this long lost friend of mine I never knew, because the topic of my marriage had been raised and there was little that could be done to stop this hurtling snowball.

Unsurprisingly, my very much married, 30-year-old chirpy friend launched into an inquiry about my singlehood. Needless to say, since I attained a certain age, this pesky little issue has wound up in almost every conversation I start.

 

• I am thinking of buying a car
• But what will you do with it if you get married?

• Ooh what a cute puppy?
• When you get married, adopt a rescue, that’s better

• Oh No! The aliens are invading!!
• And you will die alone without feeling the love of a husband!!

• Wait! Wha...?

 

Yes, I am one of the many single, twenty-something women living in urban India who face this inquisition every other day. Once, when someone hinted that I was approaching a “certain age” and it was time for me to “settle down”, I piped in ‘Priyanka Chopra is single AND over 30! Nobody asks her when she is getting married!”

The look that I got said it all “You silly little thing! You are comparing yourself to an international celebrity who happens to be one of the highest paid actresses in the world? That woman parties with Rihanna and meets the PM for tea! Have you achieved anything even remotely similar in life?”

Yes, the sad truth is that the “single, independent woman” status is reserved in India for Bollywood actresses who rake in millions of dollars and star alongside Dwayne Johnson.

Not for chintu-mintus like you and me who work as hard as anyone but don’t have a star status attached to us. No sir, we are all works in progress waiting to be hitched to the next eligible MBA who cares to buy us a drink. Deal with it!

While on the one side we applaud the likes of Priyanka and Deepika for their resilience, we turn to our friends and say “Tumhari abhi tak shadi nahi hui?(You are not married yet?) Weren’t you seeing someone? Babe. Tinder try kar le na!”

One of the options can be to just succeed in whatever you do and keep walking

Now how do we really deal with it? One of the options can be to just succeed in whatever you do and keep walking. Another is ticking off every detractor who dares to raise their voice against your singlehood. While “Tere baap ka kya jaata hai” (Mind your own business) has been known to be an effective response, I urge you to use it sparingly.

I for one have decided to keep my head held high and mosey on. Have faith in who I am and what I do and things will turn out to be fine. No need to bow down to the pressure induced by society. I am happy for the married ones as I am happy for myself.

Here’s to having faith and taking life as it happens and hoping that if the aliens do invade, they round up the married ones first!