4 red flags to pay attention to if you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship
- Emotional abuse is insidious
- It can happen between friends and romantic relationships
- Here are the four red flags to look out for
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When you’re in the first flush of a newly-minted relationship, it’s all about the warm and fuzzies.
And, then, emotional abuse sneaks its way in. It’s so insidious that at first you might wonder if you had imagined it, and then over a period of time, you begin to make excuses for your significant other, and soon you realise you're in, as Lady Gaga says, "Caught in a bad romance".
Abuse needn’t always be physical where marks can be visible. Emotion abuse is far more rampant and leaves scars that have a much more lasting impact.
1. Emotional rollercoaster
Every day is a new day. You never know what’s going to set the abuser off. It could be as something as trivial as forgetting to pick up lemons from the neighbourhood store. You even dread going out in a group because you’re uncertain if you’re going to be humiliated or belittled in the guise of a joke. And there are other days, where your significant other makes you feel like you’re the centre of his / her world. This constant pull and push of affection makes you feel uncertain all the time, and you begin to monitor your responses.
2. Your feelings are ignored
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An abuser refuses to acknowledge his or her wrongdoing when they’ve upset you. According to them, your feelings are non-existent because “you’re overthinking it”, or “why are you so sensitive”, or even blatantly state that you are wrong. Arguments go from 0 -100 in a matter of seconds when approaches the problem with a casual talk.
3. Isolation
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One of the favourite tactics that abusers use is to isolate his victim. At first, you might even feel flattered (and maybe even a tad guilty when you hang out with your friends and family), and then you give in, and ignore your friends and family’s warning, till you realise it for yourself. It’s like living in your own gilded cage.
4. Distorted reality
At some point, because of the constant belittling and blaming you for all their problems, you soon begin to buy into their reality, which is anything but real. They would rather go blue in the face than admit that they are wrong. But because your confidence and esteem has become so eroded, you begin to believe it was your fault all along. Remember, it’s not. Get help and get out of the relationship.
