5 things men do that can ruin a marriage

First Published 16, Nov 2017, 2:40 PM IST
5 things men do that can ruin a marriage
Highlights
  • All marriages have conflict. The refusal to acknowledge the problem is a quick way to destroy yours
  • One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone
  • Women too make their share of mistakes in marriages but here are five things men overlook and end up ruining their marriage 

You may think this is an article designed to target the males, it’s not. It is just a guide to the numerous times men ask - What did I do wrong? Or How did our marriage fall apart?

Yes, you were there physically in the marriage but invariably tuned out on the finer aspects that help make a marriage work. Women too make their share of mistakes in marriages but here are five things men overlook and in the process ruin their chance at marriage and a relationship. 

 

What you call giving space can also mean leaving your wife alone

Sure men have to go to office, work long hours, come home and then are they are not deserving even an hour of rest or alone time? They sure do. But when men use it as an excuse to spend longer hours in office and head off with workmates for a drink or dinner, then there is a problem. Or when they come home dog tired only to ignore their wife’s pleas to eat dinner or make a conversation and instead turn to the television, or the smartphone or bring home more work to do, then clearly your priorities are mixed. This attitude increasingly distances you from your wife making her and the children alone. Even on weekends if you prefer keeping away from the house because of noisy children or a day to unwind with the friends, it leaves the wife feeling miserable and often emotional outbursts are triggered because of this behaviour. Chances are she begins to nag you and shout at you, it is because she is feeling abandoned and deprived emotionally since her partner is not engaging with her emotionally or giving her time.

Forgetting what closeness means

Remaining connected does not mean sending her a good morning and good night message. It means actually talking to each other and talking is not the only way women feel close. Treat her to surprise compliments, hold her hand as she sits tiredly, talk to her about your day, your emotions, make her feel that you value her opinion and her presence. A little bit will go a long way and mean everything to her and, in turn, your marriage.

Stop trying to be Mr Fixit

Fix your attitude and broken relation before trying to be a handyman in the house. Stop going on and on about your wife’s errors or mistakes. Stop trying to school her into doing things your own way. No two people can think alike and it is useless trying to make your wife see things how you do it. Her initiative may have been taken in the best interest of the two of you or with your comfort in mind, it also may mean spending a little extra money. All you need to do is appreciate her efforts instead of snapping at her for doing ‘nothing right’. Women hate it when constantly they are told things around the house can be fixed only by you and that their efforts are a waste.

Sorry is not a very difficult word to use, trying using it

No, stop treating marriage as a ‘Who blinks first’ game. Men usually prefer to keep apologies unsaid for fear that their wife win the argument. Making sure your wife is first to apologise or prove that what you said was right is downright childish. Every married couple fights, its part and parcel of life but when you use fights to massage your male ego then it become derogatory to your wife. Trying being the first to apologise, your wife will love for it. Sure she may feel a little victorious, wouldn’t you? But, your small act of sorry will endear her more to you, because you gave her a chance to feel at peace and end the fight.  Furthermore, it shows that you're open and willing to make things work, that you care enough to admit to your faults and move past and through them.

When sex becomes all about you and not love and nor her

Isn’t a man supposed to have urges? You may ask. Isn’t a woman entitled to have the same?

When sex becomes only about your release, when you pay attention to your wife when you are in the mood for some pleasure and when you expect her to reciprocate those feelings instantly, that’s when sex becomes all about you dear men.  When you neglect your wife's sexual needs, it becomes just another chore or rather a show of force for her. When you approach making love as an act of spending time with her, getting to know how she feels, how she wants to be loved, then love has equal participation and she will respond as well when she sees sex is not just about you and your desires. Understand when she says no. It’s probably because after a long day at work, looking after the house and children, thanks to no help from you and then when she finally gets some much needed rest, you ask for something she has no energy left for.

 

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