Listen women, don’t make these 7 mistakes in bed to turn off your partner
First Published 4, Sep 2020, 6:18 PM
Being a woman comes with a lot of responsibilities from the boardroom to the bedroom as we are expected to do well in both areas and also strike a balance.
Women who think their sex life is lacking often assume it’s because they don’t have a perfect body. False. Or, they imagine they are inadequate because they don’t act like a porn star. False again.
So, if the problem isn’t their lack of perfection or acting ability, what is keeping these women from experiencing great sex? The answer usually lies in some very common mistakes:
Too-subtle initiation or not initiating sex: Many of us worry about ladylike behaviour. We don’t want to appear pushy or come on too strong for fear of being labelled aggressive. According to Les Parrot, professor of psychology at Seattle Pacific University and author of a new book called Crazy Good Sex, failing to initiate sex is one of the biggest mistakes women make. Show your interest by taking the first step from time to time. Your partner will likely appreciate it, and you may find a new level of satisfaction in taking responsibility for your sexual experience.
Worrying about what you look like: In his mind, he is usually overjoyed at the opportunity to be with a real, live, naked woman, to feel her warm skin against his, and have the freedom to touch her everywhere. Women, meanwhile, are often in their heads worrying about their body flaws rather than feeling the same liberty of primal pleasure. She diminishes her feelings of arousal with self-criticism. Distract the inner critic by paying attention to your breath. Feel yourself breathe without trying to regulate your breathing. Come into your body. Create tension in your pelvis by squeezing your Kegel muscles. Focus on what feels pleasurable.
Worrying about doing it right: The essential ingredient for pleasing anyone is your own pleasure in touching. In sex therapy, women often ask about technique for giving oral sex or manual stimulation. The anxiety in the question is a clue that she is not relaxed and exploring her own sensations of touch. Enthusiasm is the great gloss-over for any sexual inexperience. Ask your partner what they like. Request a demo for a particular technique.
Touching too lightly: Most men are turned on by female assertiveness and by touch that is direct and passionate. The mistake both genders make is by touching the way they like to be touched. Men complain in sex therapy, that she doesn’t make a move to touch his genitals directly until invited or assumes that once he’s erect, he doesn’t need it. Reach out and touch him with some serious pressure and aggression. Wrap your arms and legs around him tightly. Initiate a passionate kiss during intercourse.
Getting angry when your partner sleeps off: You are just so insensitive, you just fall asleep right after getting” it” up and down. Can’t you cuddle me while I fall asleep in your arms? You just doze off while I’m left alone to figure out when I will get to dreamland. This sounds familiar I guess. I understand that you love to chat a little and then fall asleep but after the act “Mr. Man” is likely to fall asleep. Blame it on biology if you want but that’s just the way it is. So, don’t be angry when this happens.
Not being able to tell your man what you want: Some attribute it to being shy. Others expect the man to just figure out what is in their minds. Your man isn’t a mind reader, he doesn’t understand your silence or tantrums, it’s best to just say what you want.
Sticking to a routine: Ladies learn to be adventurous and try new things. Be innovative and creative. The days of just missionary are gone. As a matter of fact, it’s been reinvented. Ladies evolve. Try using aphrodisiacs, make it fun and exciting, play a naughty nurse in bed sometimes.