Column: These Boots Were Made For Walking
FollowCouples who travel well together generally are more compatible than couples who don't. There---that's my truism for this week. However, if you break it down, you'll see I'm right. Especially in India, where young people continue to live with their parents well into their thirties, and sometimes a newly married couple even move into a parental home. A wing of their own, of course, dahling, but a parental home nonetheless. Where is an independent-minded twenty-first century couple to get some alone time? The answer is when they're not at home.
In 2016, travel is the New Way to Show Achievements. You could still get your big fancy car, your big fancy phone, but unless your Facebook feed is littered with high saturated, heavy contrast photos of yourself and your beloved abroad, then you're still not quite keeping up with the Joneses. Even if you're not the big fancy car or phone type, you can still show off your travel kudos by posting little local references: “oh, how I miss the sausages I had in this one teeny tiny Italian restaurant!” or “the monsoon isn't the monsoon unless you're chasing storm clouds in Goa!” Anywhere but home, because home is too home-y to be plush and aspirational.
And so, the most complaints I hear from friends who are dating is how they never travel together. It's easy to get into a rut, especially if you've been dating for a long time, and it's easy to get out of the rut (just leave the city) but you need to want to exit the holding pattern you have in the first place in order for it to work.
There's also caution needed though. My loneliest holidays have been with a man who it was never going to work out with—whether we were in the same city or not. I spent my time on a beautiful beach/in the idyllic English countryside deeply unhappy because our problems had decided to pack a suitcase and come along with us. Is there anything sadder than being with someone who makes you feel more alone than you would by yourself? We didn't try to travel too much, the two of us, perhaps we both sensed it would be no use.
Now I wonder if we travel with our partners just for that perfect social media post: Two glasses of wine, a sunset, a romantic caption. Here we are, you proclaim to the world, here we are and we're doing so good, you guys. It's a positive affirmation, the kind psychologists tell you to practice in private. You're reinforcing the idea of your relationship, and by doing so, you and your partner emerge a little stronger.
And maybe that's why some couples never need to travel at all—they have all that they need right there at home. But it's always nice to get a little break from the everyday-ness of every day. A mini-honeymoon. A dirty weekend. Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away.
Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan is the author of five books, most recently a YA novel about divorce called Split and a collection of short stories about love called Before, And Then After. The views expressed here are her own.
