Watch: 'Friend' usually to blame for marital discord, claims police counselling centre

  The family counselling center in the city has observed a jump in extra marital affairs and pre-marital sex cases The senior counsellors say, in a number of cases, a friend, office colleague or housemaid is the reason for rift between husband and wife Absence of family values and joint family structure and the new working model has resulted in increase of such cases.

The Bengaluru Police Department's Family Counselling Center is has off late recorded a spike in the numbers of cases that are coming to them. The subject of these cases have been categorised as extramarital affairs, pre marital sex, live-in relationship case, all of which are a telling documentary on the state of the Indian family and relationships.  In many cases, a close friend, office colleague or house maid seem to be the bone of contention between husband and wife.

Rajan C (name changed) an autorickshaw driver by profession had his suspicions that his wife Lakshmi Rajan was cheating on him. He came to the conclusion because he noticed a drastic drop in his libido and how his conjugal life seemed ruptured at the moment. He even confided with a colleague at the autorickshaw stand.

His confidante at the stand had known the family for the past six years and in fact, counselled Rajan that he should not suspect his wife.

Rajan derived poor solace from this but within a year, his worst fears came true. It was none other than his confidant who had been seeing his wife behind his wife, making him a cuckold.

 "Rajan had suspected his wife’s fidelity but never imagined that his friend would cheat him. It so happened that both the men happened to take sick on the same day and when Rajan reached home, he was shocked to see his wife and his friend in the same room. Upon questioning, they confessed about their affairs," described  Iqbal Ahmed, a Senior Counsellor.

Instead of creating a ruckus and berating the friend and the wife, Rajan was advised by Iqbal to handle the situation more calmly and seek medical help for his low libido. "In this case, the husband has shown a lot of maturity to save his family. Keeping his children's future in mind, he advised her not cheat for the sake pleasure. He also sought health experts help to solve his sexual issues. Although this family was not broken on this very ground, many such families have suffered as either the husband or wife ends up having an affair with the friend or office colleague or sometimes even the maid,” said Iqbal.

Saraswathi Bai, another senior counsellor says that between April 2016 to March 2017,  the family counselling centre received 1,174 cases out of which 180 cases were of extra marital affairs, 56 cases related to pre-marital sex, and 31 cases of live-in relationships.

The counsellors are of the opinion that there has been an increase in such cases as family values are declining. The absence of joint family culture, long work hours causing more interaction with office colleagues, professional egos and others are the major causes.

"A couple in the software industry had approached the family counselling centre with the complaint that the husband was having an affair with the housemaid. The housemaid is eight months pregnant now. The husband says, his wife was not cooperating, and hence he ended up having an affair with the maid," said a counsellor.

The case was heard, and we have asked the couple to appear before the centre in the coming week.

Many couples are averse to approaching family counselling centres and either hush up the matter or seek divorce immediately. In case it becomes a problem of reputation or ego, it may even end up in the death of one or the other spouse.

As mentioned by the counsellors with long working hours couples not having enough family time have led to the breaking of the familial unit. Sometimes due to external factors even sexual desire becomes a subject of contention and then wrecks havoc in a married couple’s life. However, a lot of channels are now available for working professionals to try and build a family and even repair broken relationships. It is highly advised that couples have trouble in their relationships should seek to sort out with professional help first and then seek other recourse.