Expert Advice: How to handle breakups positively?
By Aishwarya Nair | First Published May 6, 2023, 8:00 AM ISTWhy do you think of suicide when you have a problem? Does everyone think so? Or is it only some individuals who think so?
How much can we refuse something and still tolerate rejection from others? One could argue that this particular ability is one that should be developed from an early age. We need to determine whether the younger generation has the mentality necessary to firmly refuse requests when we don't want to and understand that others will do the same.
In the recent case of Athira and Arun, Athira is the one who stopped her relationship with Arun and cut ties with him. He attacked her online and as a result, Athira suffered a mental breakdown and killed herself. Following that, Arun had no other option but to commit suicide.
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After Athira broke off their acquaintance a year ago, Arun allegedly started cyberbullying her by posting their old conversation records and images on social media when she started getting marriage proposals.
The mind has nothing to lose by saying "no" and accepting it. It's not the end of the world if we don't obtain what we desire. We must assess whether we still believe that life has a lot of pleasant things in store for us. It should begin in early childhood. While raising their children, parents must also implement these changes.
We should check whether we are giving communication to our children that if they make a mistake, or if they fail to get marks in their studies, it doesn't matter. Our children should be raised to be able to deal with life's setbacks.
Why do you think of suicide when you have a problem? Does everyone think so? Or is it only some individuals who think so?
If we take a closer look, we will see that "Impulsive Personality" or the type of behaviour that is impulsive, most of the time, when a problem arises, they tend to end their life before dealing with it and this thought cannot be cured, and therefore they resort to suicide with the belief that it is beyond their ability to tackle problems. We cannot blame them. They may have evolved into this personality as a result of many life events.
They occasionally lack the capacity to resolve any of these issues because of their familial circumstances, how they were raised, the numerous challenges they encountered in society, and their experiences in school and college. Their thoughts may become incredibly depressed. They might have fallen into a depressive mood and believed that troubles meant the end of life. They were never given the time for contemplation.
This "frustration tolerance" must be fostered in all of us and our children. Avoid rushing; instead, take some time to relax. Let's pause now. Try to 'quiet down' the mind by focusing on something else.
Borderline personality:
We must discuss borderline personality disorder when we discuss suicide. Borderline personality is especially important for teenagers. If it is not recognized and managed in adolescence, the complications it can cause over time are enormous.
A borderline personality disorder is characterized by difficulty in interacting with people in personal relationships. These will be terribly sensitive people. Sometimes they even think that others are against them. When borderline personality disorder goes untreated there is a threat of suicide.
A borderline personality disorder may occasionally call for medication. They could unintentionally develop the belief that nothing can save them when circumstances become extremely desperate or out of control. In certain circumstances, medication can be required.
If we focus on the majority of the borderline situations, it becomes clear that their lives are filled with sorrow, anguish, exclusion, solitude, Lack of assistance, ongoing issues at home, blame, etc. How can they have 'normal' childhoods while living in this environment?
Dialectal Behaviour Therapy (DBT) is a therapy used to treat borderline personality disorder. And in essence, that is what we are doing—persuading people of our worth; influencing them to believe that you are valuable and that your existence has worth. Develop a sense of worth so that you may survive in life regardless of who rejects you or how alone you are. Get them to start loving themselves. DBT uses this technique.
After taking the case of Arun and Athira, if both had thought that my life does not end here or I have a beautiful life ahead, this would not have happened.
Toxic relationship:
A relationship can turn into a toxic relationship. Why do breakups happen? Sometimes it may be because the family doesn't approve. Sometimes it's because two people just can't go together. Another reason that can be said very differently from all this is 'skepticism'.
Doubting your partner is definitely a dangerous state of mind. A lot of doubts like whether the partner is calling someone or sending a message may become over-possessive. Being over-possessive is often seen as a good thing by most people out of love.
However, this is a really troubling circumstance. It is challenging to leave such partnerships. They rapidly become enraged. They'll respond. They don't give a damn about who is positioned on the opposing side. Be enraged with your spouse. They could behave embarrassingly when they speak or interject.
But only if we have a clear awareness of all this, we can save ourselves from many problems.
Article By- Priya Varghese (Clinical Psychologist)
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