"I Wanted to Go Back" - Dutch Influencer Opens Up About Why Mumbai No Longer Felt Like Home

A Dutch influencer who dreamed of Mumbai said motherhood turned her dream into a nightmare. She admitted feeling guilty for not loving the city she fought for.

A Dutch travel influencer who dreamed of calling Mumbai home for years has opened up about why the city no longer felt perfect after she became a mother.

Ivana, a content creator who has lived in India for nearly nine years, shared in an Instagram video that while Mumbai had always been her dream, the timing of the move made it difficult to enjoy.

"Isn't it weird how motherhood can turn certain dreams into a nightmare? For years, Mumbai was my ultimate dream city. But the day I actually moved here, I just wanted to go straight back to Bangalore," she said.

Motherhood Changed Everything

Ivana explained that Bengaluru had become home over the years because of its slower pace and greener surroundings. "It was slow, it was green, and it allowed me to grow in a way I felt safe," she said. But Mumbai felt completely different once she entered motherhood.

She said the city's fast pace, which she once admired, suddenly became overwhelming. "Mumbai doesn't do slow. The very same fast pace that the young explorer in me used to crave suddenly felt like constant panic mode. I was stepping into motherhood, craving a soft, slow life, and instead, I was slapped in the face with the Mumbai heat and a relentless hustler mentality."

The move also came during a difficult phase of her pregnancy. She was dealing with placenta bleeding and severe anaemia while trying to settle into a much smaller apartment.

"I went from a massive, breezy home in Bangalore to a tiny apartment that felt suffocating. And instead of exploring my dream city, I was dealing with placenta bleeding and severe anaemia. I had zero energy to step out, zero capacity to make new friends, and the isolation was terrifying," she said.

Guilt Over Not Loving the Dream

"I felt so ashamed to admit I didn't love the dream I fought for," she said. She spent a long time convincing herself she should be happy because moving to Mumbai had been her goal. "It was very hard for me to not feel ungrateful. So for the longest time I denied my own feelings, because 'this was the dream right?'"

Looking back, Ivana said the experience taught her that a place can be wonderful but still not suit a particular phase of life. "The truth is, a place can be incredible and it can still be the absolutely wrong place for the version of you that exists right now."

She also revealed that during the same period, she and her partner had to legally get married, adding another major life event to an already emotionally and physically demanding time.