'Shut up and listen': Ex-secret service agent reveals 'spy trick' to get people to do what you want
By Shweta Kumari | First Published Dec 4, 2024, 7:30 AM ISTEvy Poumpouras, a former Secret Service agent who protected US presidents George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama, has a tip for getting anyone to do what you want: 'Shut up' and 'listen.'
Evy Poumpouras, a former Secret Service agent who protected US presidents George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama, has a tip for getting anyone to do what you want: 'Shut up' and 'listen.'
“There’s a myth that people think, ‘If I do most of the talking, I have control,’” Poumpouras explained. “It’s garbage.” Speaking candidly on the Diary of a CEO podcast with Steven Bartlett, the seasoned agent dismantled common misconceptions about influence.
Latest Videos
“The biggest mistake people make is they talk a lot,” she said. “If I’m doing all the talking and you’re doing all the listening, you’re learning everything about me—my values, belief systems, and what drives me.”
“What you want to understand is that person’s motivational mindset,” she noted. Whether driven by respect, safety, money, or freedom, uncovering these motivations allows you to frame your requests in a way that aligns with their desires.
“If you go in with the perspective ‘I need, I want,’ you’re going to lose,” she advised. “Go in with the perspective: What does this person need?”
As a former polygraph specialist who administered lie detector tests, Poumpouras developed her ability to read people through acute listening and keen observation of body language. She asserts that communication extends far beyond spoken words.
“The majority of what we communicate is actually through our bodies, not through the words we speak,” she shared. “When I talk to people, the way I know what I’m saying is resonating is I see the head nod up and down, and I see their eyes follow me.”
Her sharp insights are detailed in her 2020 book Becoming Bulletproof, part memoir and part guide to mastering life’s challenges. Drawing on her 12 years of elite training, she shares lessons on reading people, influencing situations, and navigating a world filled with hidden motives.
“Whenever you hear someone saying, ‘Trust me, I know what I’m doing,’ that is usually the last thing you should do,” Poumpouras said. She also highlighted the importance of observing subtle cues, such as crossed arms or sudden shifts in posture, as indicators of discomfort or deceit.
From cultivating informants to navigating high-stakes situations with some of the world’s most dangerous individuals, Poumpouras’s skills have proven invaluable. She now shares her expertise through courses and talks, empowering people to become more effective communicators, whether in the boardroom, at home, or even on a first date.
As a Greek-American New Yorker raised in Queens, Poumpouras credits her street smarts with shaping her ability to pick up on the subtle cues that most overlook. She offers a blunt truth: “We are so busy talking. We are so busy making noise because we think everyone needs to hear me. You know what? Nobody cares.”
subscribe to Asianet Newsable WhatsApp channel by clicking here. For more reliable and latest news
subscribe to Asianet Newsable Telegram channel by clicking here.