Revealed: India conducted second surgical strike on October 2

 

"We can confirm that on Gandhi Jayanti, we mobilised our forces and local villagers to dump all our garbage into Pakistan across the LoC. This is in line with our mission to make India clean,'' said Praveen Naidu, director of the Swachh Bharat Mission. 

 

However, Pakistan has denied there was any surgical strike to dump garbage on its territory by India. "What took place was the usual practise of flinging a plastic packet full of household garbage from the Indian side into the Pakistan side over the barbed wire. We also do that quite often, nothing new about these retaliatory garbage attacks,'' said Javed Miandad, director of the Department of Pakistan Garbage. 

 

But while Miandad refuted the strike, Islamabad raised the pitch by saying Kashmir will be free very soon. The international community, which is looking closely at the heightening of tensions along the LoC with the garbage war, has been worried. But it was astonished by the Indian response to Islamabad. 

 

"Yes, Kashmir will be free very soon. Open defecation free,'' said Naidu. "We are very happy with the cooperation of the local population in Kashmir valley. The only people we have to sensitise are the terrorists who still relieve themselves in the open. I want to take this opportunity to tell Pakistan that the Army has shoot-at-sight orders if it sees any terrorist defecating in the open. Let them remember that we are in Modi's India. And MODI means Maker of Decent India.''

 

The Swachh Bharat Mission also plans to write letters to Hafiz Saeed, Moulana Masood Azhar and Syed Salauddin, the three biggest exporters of human resources to India, to conduct behaviour lessons for their recruits who sneak across the LoC. According to sources, though Hafiz Saeed is impressed with the `Jahan soch wahan shauchalya' campaign, he feels the fidayeens will find it difficult to use public toilets with grenades and ammunition strapped to their body. 

 

Prime Minister Narendra Modi has complimented the Army and Kashmiri people for the success of the garbage strike. Addressing them on `Mann ki Baat', the PM said, "Mitron, ab India ko to saaf kar diya, ab Pakistan ko saaf karna hai ki nahi? (Friends, we have cleaned India, should we clean up Pakistan too?)'' 

 

Meanwhile, all SAARC countries have boycotted the summit to be held in Islamabad in November, citing hygiene concerns. Talking on his news show, TV anchor Pranab Goswami berated his Pakistani guests, "At least now clean up. You have become a global pariah. No one wants to come to your home.''

 

Reacting angrily to the boycott, Pakistan Defence ministry spokesman Dawood Lakhvi has threatened an aerial garbage attack if India did not stop its incursions across the border. 

 

"Let India not forget that Pakistani dissident writer Tarak Fateh calls us Gutteristan,'' said Lakhvi. "We will mount all the garbage from Karachi and Rawalpindi and dump it on Indian cities through our missiles.''

 

(Tenali Rama is a satirical series by senior journalist TS Sudhir)